Monday, September 3, 2007

Epic Ridiculousness

So I ran into Jack Passion right after I finished the last post. He was returning from registration. I thought things were shaping up to be pretty fun from the looks of it, but he saw it differently. He told me he felt there was a lot of negative energy in there. I think he compared it to "black bile." So he was bringing a bit of intensity that I couldn't match. I knew it would be one hell of a day. And I was not disappointed.

The day started with a group photo session, which almost all of the Germans passed up because they had their own photo session which must of lasted about 20 minutes with them just sitting in seats. They are very into themselves and their beards. Then we had 40 minutes until the festivities started. Everyone cruised around snapping photos, I did a couple of interviews (MTV UK, anyone?), and pretty much everyone started drinking. But I held off, because I didn't want to drink anything and risk messing up my moustache. And it looked good. I was racing to make it on time, shaving, showering, and doing the 'stache, so I probably took about two minutes (not much time) to wax it up. And I'll be damned if it wasn't the best English moustache I have ever created. I don't know what it was, I really didn't do anything different, and I had clearly meant to have much more time to work on it, but I didn't need it. It wasn't going to look any better than that. So I was feeling good. Of course, after seeing the other 25 moustaches I was to compete against, I didn't feel confident, but I knew I was bringing all I could to the table. And I decided to go with the red pants, headband, and my "Guns Don't Kill People. People with Mustaches (sic) Kill People" t-shirt, as opposed to all the other dudes in cricket outfits, tuxedos with top hats, tweed coats, cardigan sweaters, etc. Needless to say, I stuck out a little bit.

So they lined us all up on stage with numbers, and then we met the judges one by one, with personal introductions to the crowd (about 3,000). When I got introduced, I was wrongly identified as being from the UK. So I grabbed the microphone and corrected that mistake. This also humorous because the day before some English dude mistook me for being from Ireland. I am very Irish, but sound nothing like an Irishman, so I was very confused. Anyway, one of the judges was Nick Cave, who I had never heard of but apparently he's kind of a big musical dude. Anyway, he's got a sweet 'stache, I told him so, then he accused me of being a brown noser. He seemed like a bit of an ass. Anyway, then they lined us up and made us walk a couple of loops around the stage while they tally the results and the crowd just snapped a bunch of photos of all of us. I got a lot of good compliments about the shirt, so I'm glad I went with that. I also turned the tables and snapped some photos of them while I was up there, which they thought was kind of funny. Finally they had the results and for each category they announced the top three winners, but not which order. That was all saved for the very end. Anyway, one of the three finalists was the German guy. Now his moustache was big, but it had a huge dent on one end! I was not pleased. The whole category stresses straightness, and here is this chump with a crooked moustache. And on top of that, he actually won the whole thing! Come on. It was crap and a half. One of our guys took second place. George Haskins III, who has been growing his moustache for 20 years. And let me tell you, it is long. Really long. I've got pictures, and you will see.

Ok, it's now 2am and I'm flying tomorrow, I am ending this post here, but clearly more to come when I return. Including the dramatic conclusion of the Jack Passion saga. Oh, the suspense!

Cheers!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

The World Beard and Moustache Championships

Well folks, the time is nigh.

It's 10:15 in the morning here, I had registration yesterday, this morning I checked in for prejudging (to verify that I do indeed have an English moustache), and the competition is in just a few hours. And let me tell you, I have zero chance of winning this thing. You just can't even imagine. It was crazy during registration to see all the international people rolling through, and we got to spend some time with them at this really shitty reception last night, and then I went out for some drinks with some nice German fellows (not the Germans that are evil and want BTUSA kicked out). I thouhgt I had seen some amazing facial hair yesterday with all of these guys, but so many of them were holdling back. It was crazy this morning, with some mind-blowing displays, both in hair and dress. The costumes are out of control, and the entire scene is one of the funniest of I've ever seen. Can't wait to share photos with you all. I'm going to use one of my teammates computers to offload the photos I've taken, freeing up space for the plethora of photos I will take today. So I probably won't have any to show until I return, but the wait will be worth it, I promise.

Yesterday I cruised around on foot, walking through Hove, the next city over from Brighton. Stuck my feet in the sea (much warmer than I expected), walked through a nice park, checked out the cricket stadium, and then I made my way back to Brighton. Saw a very cool photo exhibit in a studio above one of the shops, and stopped at a pub for a nice ale and my first glass of Pimm's. Pretty tasty stuff, I must say. Also at this pub I was sitting next to this drunk guy (around 3pm in the afternoon), who suddenly decided to get up, leaving his unfinished Guinness, because he was going to go for a Margarita at the local Mexican joint because he, "really fancies the Brazilian girls." I'm sure he did really well for himself.

I know you are all waiting for it, so here goes with another Jack Passion story. During registration yesterday it was all grossly bearded men, but then they had one table of 5 burlesque girls wearing costumes very similar to the crappy Kit Kat Girl costumes from the production of Cabaret I was in, for those that unfortunately suffered through that. So of course we all got photos with them, but Jack Passion had someone shoot a video of him with the girls, and after counting to three, he got them all to say, "Jack Passion fucking rocks," English accent style, of course. He has also been telling all English speaking competitors to help him out today when he is on stage by shouting "Jack Passion!" after giving us a three count. We'll see how that goes. But honestly, he does have a great shot at winning. His beard is truly magnificent. And he's been talking about his costume and how great it is, but has been keeping it very secret, so I'm excited to get a look at it. I also found out that Jack Passion has his own personal flag. "You know how most countries, well actually all countries have flags. Well I've got one too that I take with me wherever I go so people know where I am, and they can be like, 'Oh no, Jack Passion is there, let's get out of here,' or, 'Oh, sweet, Jack Passion is inside let's go.'" This is what he told to two random people on the street who's lei he tried getting from them. Pretty funny honestly. Then he tried arranging a date with the Thai waitress and our frind Kris. But she didn't give him her number, so it looks like the polite thanks, but no thanks.

We also had a beard care seminar yesterday with the reigning world champion in the full beard freestyle category. He won two years ago by making his beard look like the Brandenburg Gate, and this year he is attempting to create the Tower Bridge. Pretty amazing. So we all got some personal pointers from him. Apparently my moustache wax is not that great, but it's what I got, so it will have to do. He was really nice though, and is one of the friendliest Germans here. His whole mantra was that having a beard has to be fun, so he's not as uptight as the others.

Finally, I remembered what I thought was an odd story from a girl I met at a pub a couple of days ago. We were chatting about America, and she said how much she really enjoyed it, but before her trip she was convinced she would hate it because she was expecting everyone to be too damn nice. I always thought people thought Americans were total assholes, but maybe not. I was definitely taken aback. Anyway, I found that curious and figured I would pass it along.

Ok, time to run and get ready. We've met a lot of random people who keep stopping us in the street and at the hostel and everywhere, and many have said they will be coming to the event to check it out. Seems to be generating a lot of curiosity here in Brighton. But we'll see how many of them show up. Hopefully a lot. And Dantho will be arriving today to support the team, so I'm excited to share this experience with him. I'm sure he'll be able to take much better photos than I will, so we all have that to look forward to as well. And for now, I bid you adieu. Hope all is well.

Cheers, mates.