So I ran into Jack Passion right after I finished the last post. He was returning from registration. I thought things were shaping up to be pretty fun from the looks of it, but he saw it differently. He told me he felt there was a lot of negative energy in there. I think he compared it to "black bile." So he was bringing a bit of intensity that I couldn't match. I knew it would be one hell of a day. And I was not disappointed.
The day started with a group photo session, which almost all of the Germans passed up because they had their own photo session which must of lasted about 20 minutes with them just sitting in seats. They are very into themselves and their beards. Then we had 40 minutes until the festivities started. Everyone cruised around snapping photos, I did a couple of interviews (MTV UK, anyone?), and pretty much everyone started drinking. But I held off, because I didn't want to drink anything and risk messing up my moustache. And it looked good. I was racing to make it on time, shaving, showering, and doing the 'stache, so I probably took about two minutes (not much time) to wax it up. And I'll be damned if it wasn't the best English moustache I have ever created. I don't know what it was, I really didn't do anything different, and I had clearly meant to have much more time to work on it, but I didn't need it. It wasn't going to look any better than that. So I was feeling good. Of course, after seeing the other 25 moustaches I was to compete against, I didn't feel confident, but I knew I was bringing all I could to the table. And I decided to go with the red pants, headband, and my "Guns Don't Kill People. People with Mustaches (sic) Kill People" t-shirt, as opposed to all the other dudes in cricket outfits, tuxedos with top hats, tweed coats, cardigan sweaters, etc. Needless to say, I stuck out a little bit.
So they lined us all up on stage with numbers, and then we met the judges one by one, with personal introductions to the crowd (about 3,000). When I got introduced, I was wrongly identified as being from the UK. So I grabbed the microphone and corrected that mistake. This also humorous because the day before some English dude mistook me for being from Ireland. I am very Irish, but sound nothing like an Irishman, so I was very confused. Anyway, one of the judges was Nick Cave, who I had never heard of but apparently he's kind of a big musical dude. Anyway, he's got a sweet 'stache, I told him so, then he accused me of being a brown noser. He seemed like a bit of an ass. Anyway, then they lined us up and made us walk a couple of loops around the stage while they tally the results and the crowd just snapped a bunch of photos of all of us. I got a lot of good compliments about the shirt, so I'm glad I went with that. I also turned the tables and snapped some photos of them while I was up there, which they thought was kind of funny. Finally they had the results and for each category they announced the top three winners, but not which order. That was all saved for the very end. Anyway, one of the three finalists was the German guy. Now his moustache was big, but it had a huge dent on one end! I was not pleased. The whole category stresses straightness, and here is this chump with a crooked moustache. And on top of that, he actually won the whole thing! Come on. It was crap and a half. One of our guys took second place. George Haskins III, who has been growing his moustache for 20 years. And let me tell you, it is long. Really long. I've got pictures, and you will see.
Ok, it's now 2am and I'm flying tomorrow, I am ending this post here, but clearly more to come when I return. Including the dramatic conclusion of the Jack Passion saga. Oh, the suspense!
Cheers!
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